Musings

Otanjoubi omedeto, L Lawliet! It’s his birthday tomorrow so I made this little banner as a sign of greeting. If you’re not familiar who is L Lawliet, he’s that weird and intelligent detective from the greatest anime ever created in this world, Death Note. And because I’m a solid supporter of this genius, I made the banner. I kind of mix the image with some texture. I have lots of textures in my folder and I don’t even know where I snagged them (idiot me, please go away). Oh men, I miss watching Death Note since I’m kind of addicted to Romeo X Juliet (the anime I was talking about in my previous entry). So yeah, I did change my layout again. Well, I’m just kind of bored that time so I did this. Pretty simple, ne?

Well, that’s all I wanted to say. Link exchanges are open to all bloggers out there (foreign or not, I don’t care). Otanjoubi omedeto again to L Lawliet! All hail to the greatest detective! And even if he’s dead in the anime (somewhere in episode 25), may he serve justice up there. Jaa na, minna! ;)

Cath

Return to innocence

Sembreak’s in. But here I am, out in the usual me. Okay, you might find me stupid but I’m really enjoying washing the dishes and sweeping the floor every time. I mean, in regular days meaning whenever I have school, I don’t get a chance to wash the dishes nor to sweep the floor even I don’t haven anything to do after dismissal. It’s was abnormal for me since I’m a couch potato who does surf the net and that’s it. Every lunch, I always volunteer myself to wash the dishes because washing the dishes makes me, myself. I’m seeing myself in the plates. It’s like, I’m the plate and my sins are the left over food and God is the soap and water. He was like washing all the sins away from me. He was cleaning me from all of those bad things I have done. Now I know, He’s always there for me. And get this; I’m also now close to him. I felt that every moment with Him was eternal. It was an eternal feeling and I loved it. I’m practicing now to discipline myself, devote myself to my family and to believe in myself. I want to change right away. I get to talk to my family often unlike before, I was always busy on surfing the net (lazy me!). I’ll start from this – to clean myself out of sins. (I don’t really know what’s on your mind but these things are what I am really doing right now. I’m definitely going to change, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.)

Oh yeah, I’m really enjoying watching Romeo X Juliet (Tybalt is one hot guy! XD). I was intrigued whenever I see blogs where they post thoughts and reviews about Romeo X Juliet (btw, Romeo X Juliet is an anime, not a drama). So there I was, searching for it at crunchyroll and fortunately, I found it! I was ecstatic by juts looking at the thumbnails. Juliet Capulet is also different from the play to the drama. She was more of a fighter than the usual modest woman in Verona. Romeo Montague is kawaii (as in kawaii!). I don’t get it but I find Juliet more of a fighter than Romeo. But don’t get offended there, Romeo supporters because I heart him. About Tybalt. When I first saw him, I was like, “This guy is so hot!” because he looks so serious. Oh men, I like him! Benvolio also is cute. Anyway, I’m halfway the anime so I’ll be seeing the more at crunchyroll.

Does anyone of you know where I can find Tactics complete OST? Tactics as in Ichinomiya Kantarou, Haruka and Yoko? I was getting dazed already looking for its OST but I couldn’t find any. Please, inform me (whoever you are) if you a site where I can download it. Thanks in advance, whoever you are. So that’s the end of my story right now. Jaa na!


Cath

Take these chances

After watching Click last night, I realized that life is too important than we know. The movie taught me that life is about sharing every moment with your love ones. It taught me how to smile even if problems are ahead of me. The movie is inspiring in spite of Adam Sandler’s perversion (laughs). And right now, there’s one thing in my mind – to change. I have been a bad daughter since childhood, doing nothing but watch television, surf the net or do stuffs that interests me. I’m getting tired of the usual routine. And I’m really bothered about the future. I mean, c’mon. It’s not like forever, my mama is there to buy school stuffs and cook delicious lunch everyday; my papa is there to work for us; my sister and my brothers are there to comfort me through those difficult times because there will a time where I need to stand to my own feet and face the challenges ahead. There’ll come that time where I have to be alone to face those obstacles because without those obstacles, you can’t overcome the hardship and the pain. Life will be worthless. It will be a disaster. And I don’t want to end up depress after one day of doing nothing but feel bad. It’s too tiring to waste those precious tears to stuffs that are not important. I need to change the usual routine I have. I need to find new and interesting stuffs that will make my life worth the hardship. You don’t like to feel bad every after day, am I right? Sooner or later, our lives will be change. We will change.

Well, I’m speaking philosophically again. I do believe in philosophies. It’s not that old-fashion saying, you know. I just thought these things after watching Click and after listening to some “wise words” from a guy friend of mine, Reuben. He’s such a good guy, a more like a elder brother of mine. I don’t get a chance to share chit-chat with my brothers; they are usually busy with their “works” bah. He shared some useful and wise words to me. And I realized, he’s right. You can’t control anger, you can’t control that intimate feeling inside of you, and you can change your life. It’s all in the mind. We are the key to our souls, the door to our lives. But right now, we haven’t realized it yet. We are waiting for the right time to prove them wrong that life is worthless. Life is not all about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend beside you. It’s not all about winning the gold medal from a quiz bee. It’s not all about kissing your husband after waiting for him from work. These simple stuffs are all just a part of life, it’s not life itself. Life – small word, big meaning. It’s like you’re asking me what’s my favorite color, what’s love and so on. It’s funny but that’s life – it will turn you down once in a while.

Bottom line, sharing this stuff to all of you is just my ranting. I really want to know what’s your side about this (or whatever you might say). Ah yeah, I changed my layout again since my previous layout is too simple. I hope all of you like this layout because it’s Matsuyama Kenichi again! :)) I enjoyed talking about this stuff. I don’t know when I will post something like this. Before I forget, thank you to those who reviewed my fan fictions! I really appreciated every word; it’s much inspiring to write more stories. So, I’ll leave everything in here right now, ne?

Have a nice day, minna-san! Jaa na!


Cath

Strange

I want to runaway right now. Go to some far place where I can give my good cry. A place where I can be just myself. A place where people know how to pat your back and say, “I can help you with it, don’t worry.” But, I couldn’t find a place like that where loneliness are nowhere to be found. I want to be right, just for this time. It’s like, my fate turned upside down and will is avoiding my pathway. This strange feeling, it won’t go away. It’s stuck in my system again. I don’t know how many times I told myself that I could do this. I can’t count the days where I found myself seeking help. It’s just…inevitable, I know. I understand why this is happening but there are so many problems that are smothered in my face. I can’t even smile right now. It’s like; happiness avoided me today for some reason. Reasons? They are scattered around. I just can’t keep them all and tell to the world, “Hey! I could do this by myself! I don’t need your help, I can do this!” I just couldn’t find my self-esteem right now. I think, they went away to find some other reasons to stay with me. I hate this kind of feeling…

There is this sharp ache whenever I feel this feeling. An ache of eagerness to see a brighter side. An ache of wanting to feel happiness, even just for once. An ache that slowly kills the pain away. I couldn’t the words to describe what I’m feeling right now. I’m eager to see a brighter day tomorrow. Something I want to witness. Something I could cherish all my life. Something I could plant in my memory and just reminisce. To wish for own happiness is not selfish, right? I mean, it’s not selfish if you feel happiness is by your side. I want to feel happy. I want to feel complete. The emptiness is filling my heart with too much heartache, too much pain. It’s creeping through my veins. And the world will turn its back on me when I learn how to kill my own happiness.

*//

I did change something here. Lookie, I made a simple layout. Well, this layout came out of nowhere. I just found Matsuyama Kenichi’s picture in my folder and I decided to give it a shot. It turned like this. I changed the color to black and white to stripes to colorful. I just want to see happy colors. I didn’t use any brushes here, only text and some custom shapes. I still feel empty right now. I may be writing happy thoughts but really, I feel really empty. Too empty inside. And listening to music makes me even emptier. Maybe I need a swing on myself.

Jaa, I’ll just go right now. I don’t feel well.


Cath

Straight jacket feeling

I was losing the certain familiar warmth whenever I wear my jacket. I’m kind of being emotional again. I did have a good day yesterday but was broken. Thanks to that guy. Alvin, yeah. I mean, c’mon give me a long break just today. He wrote me a cheesy letter since he’ll be leaving next year to study abroad. He was getting tear-eyed just by writing him and I teased him for being like that. I was laughing because I never seen him like that, getting all mashed up by his feeling. After he ends up writing the letter, I read it. I laughed again. He was embarrassed and was blushing. And I decided to write back as an appreciation. He was happy (I could sense it anyway) about it until his girlfriend snatched the letter. But he managed to get it back, without her reading the whole letter. He suddenly confronted me, asking me to change the contents of the letter. I was like, “Are you an idiot or what?” and I was jaw-dropped, thinking why he’s asking me to change the contents when that’s what I really want to tell him. He asked me all over again and I lied that I will change it. But what’s the reason my day turned happy to worse? I mean, I wrote him a sincere letter. I even got scolded by my elective teacher because of it and then, he’ll ask me to change the contents? He’s an idiot. I avoided such contacts to him, thinking that he’ll surely end up asking me about it. And I’ll ignore him until this month ends. He’s an idiot and I’m angry about that attitude! Arf!

Anyway, I was thinking if I’ll just stay at my live journal for some time since I don’t really want to post too personal entries here. I know, I posted some since I don’t have any live journal account that time. And I’m actually pulling off a layout to put there since simple layout is not really that good. I’ll pull up a Near layout there once I found the good picture I will put there. Ah yeah! I finally have all the OSTs of Death Note (shiawaseni!). Hehe, I love all the soundtracks there. I just love Death Note to death (hahahaha!). Blah, link exchange is open for all. Hi to all my friends from the blogging world :)

Jaa, I need to go.


Cath

Dot. Dot. Dot.

I’m now in the state of being too confused about my environment. Yesterday, I was hired to be one of the CO Applicant from our school. Yatta, I made it! I don’t actually have any intentions of joining it before, but here I am, happy to proclaim to the world that I’ll soon be a COCC officer. I’m actually trying to discipline myself towards academic problem (yes, math has been a pain in the head ever since). Well, what can I say, I’ll surely survive everything (include there being tortured by CAT Officers!)!

I’m also happy because we’re no longer using dial-up connection, we’re now using DSL. Haha. The first day it was installed, I download songs from Lime Wire and watched some videos from You Tube since I was craving for some Silver Chair videos. Anyway, that’s all. I’ll actually watch Tactics but crunchyroll removed it (sadness). I don’t really know what to say right now and I’m just typing some random thoughts since I’m kind of confused. I didn’t attend school because my muscle spasm at my back is aching again after forming yesterday for CO etcetera. After forming yesterday, I hurriedly went home and indulge myself to some chocolates at the refrigerator. It was too exhausting yesterday. What else did I miss sharing with you? I’m actually earning money (I madly need them!). I already have over 300 bucks already and counting. I really need money! Who can give me some money?! Arf, I wish I could study and work at the same time. It’s too impossible, I know but I need money. I was like, living independent for the past few days, thinking how can I earn money by myself without asking for my mama’s help. Sheesh, it’s really annoying to look at my wallet, without money. :

Hmm, I haven’t changed my layout. This layout has been here for over a month already. I’m tired to think of a theme and to make a layout. I’m actually planning to make a Near layout (he’s that white haired little boy from Death Note, L’s successor). I think he’s cute and childish to pull up a layout. Well, my head is still functioning in a bad way. It’s been tormented with different random thoughts. Life has been digging my ego a little deeper and I’m way too weak to face them. Just one thought, I think I’m getting over with my feelings for him. I still don’t get it though. Perhaps, I’m just thinking the wrong idea. Aaah, I’m really bored right now.

I’ll just post a good entry when my brain is okay. Jaa na.



Cath

What the?

The rain hasn’t stopped since Friday. I wonder why.

I need money – badly. I need to earn at least 5000 bucks this month (too impossible, I know). I need money to pay for some financial matters at school since I don’t want to bug my mother anymore about this kind of thing. Oh my god. Money. Money. Where could I find money for free? I have been conducting some bills that I need to pay. However, I still just don’t get it though. But I guess, I need to earn money, double the period! Hell, my world is clearly revolving in money right now and I even asked some help from my friends on how to get money – fast! Well, there goes my life.

I received my English examination paper earlier and I was ecstatic to know that I’m the second highest! Beat that! I didn’t study or review the night before the exams since I was getting addicted searching for some pictures. I’ve got lot of things to do this week. Okay, this will be a short entry since I need to search for some new textures, brushes and some patterns for my Adobe. I’m just too bored right now that I’m typing non-sense here again. Well, Christmas is yet to hit the calendar. And I’m already creating my wish list. I really want something I could use for my everyday life, not something that I can just leave hanging. I’ll also buy the watch of Light (from Death Note). Haha, I think it costs over 400 bucks or what. I’ll still get my hands and buy it!

Anyway, need to go! Jaa na! :)



Cath